If it takes dying...

Beauty is not unattainable;
It's something to cultivate, to wield as a weapon.
With beauty you can do anything, you can achieve a level of satisfaction beyond any other.

This is a broken world fueled by anger and self-preservation; This is my world, I was born of it and it is how I live. I will survive because I know the truth, a truth that most people shy away from. They can survive to, if they stop to realize how the system works.
There is something poetic in a beauty driven by vengence. It's real, something that doesn't whisper and then wane.

With this power, you must be willing to wield it. Against enemies, strangers, even friends- should the need arise. There is no holding back, no second-chances.No one will care who you really are if the spell you cast on them is strong, charm them, break hearts and always leave them guessing.

Beauty is Nirvana, it is the way in which the world works- in it's cruelties and it's kindness. When you decide to take it up, nothing and no one can stop you.

and if it takes dying to get there, so be it, I'll get there.

Settling down

A very close friend of mine that I've known for six years is going to be a mother. This has rightfully shocked my brain into realizing that I have now entered the age bracket that is suppose to be settling down, and yet, all I can think of was my pregnancy scare this September and how glad I was when my suspicions were dashed.

It's just an odd day, especially since before her decision to tip me off about her breeding, I thought of Rob. This guy I met once that had gone out with a friend many years ago. Rob killed himself last year because he thought he had hurt someone he cared about, when in all reality she just passed out. It only hit me now that this was a living, breathing person that I had come in contact with once... and now he's gone. It's just an odd sensation.

Time to go out for a long hike before work and have a few smokes and think over these matters.

It's a cold goodbye

A few months ago, there would have been a friendship that could have been salvaged, but the choices that were made has set that possibility further and further into the "improbable" state.

Now, I'm tired of holding a place open for them, especially since now that I look at the old situation and realize that they were anything but good for me. Thankfully I have a considerate boyfriend who allowed me to hold on to those things without forcing me to let go, but now I know that it's time.

Every file, every photo...
Every word, and every tear...
Gone.

I am happy now, and I feel so relieved that they didn't bring me down with them. So many opportunities opened up to me since their abandonment and I had the opportunity to do things for myself because I wanted to, without having to consult anyone.

With everything gone, soon my memories will follow and it will be as if it never was and though I dislike having regrets, I will admit that of everything I could hate for what it's done, it would be him. So with that, here it is, this is my goodbye.

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In other news: I'm going to purge this Blog within the week and start afresh, plus you'll find a second blog devoted solely to the crazy antics that ensue from overnight work.